A Plethora of Wormholes or Adventures with Dice
by LttleDvl
Summary: Crack! Fic I pulled out of...well, you can guess. Crossover between Power Rangers SPD and Stargate Atlantis. Consider yourself warned!


Warning: Crack! Fic inside. Proceed at your own risk.

So I got inspired to write something completely off of the mark, absolutely nothing at all to do with a previous lj conversation, I assure you. It finally gave me the opportunity to bring together two of my favorite fandoms (which under normal circumstances would likely make anyone barf).

Since this is crack! I decided it could probably forego the usual beta, so any spelling or grammatical errors are either done completely on purpose or purely unintentional. Hey, it's crack!, does it even really matter?

(okay, the _real_ warning time; if you don't know anything about Stargate Atlantis, you won't get a lot of the jokes; if you don't know anything about Power Rangers SPD, you won't get a lot of the jokes, if you don't get the gaming references, then you won't get a lot of the jokes and furthermore, you shouldn't refer to yourself as a geek. seriously)

A Plethora of Wormholes or the Great Adventure in Dice-Rolling Tragedy

Setting: somewhere at a kitchen table

Fandom: Stargate Atlantis and Power Rangers SPD

Rating: Crack! at its best (or worst as the case may be)

Pairings: you wish

Warnings: recommend use of ear plugs to keep your brain inside your head as it melts

Disclaimer: do you really think that if I owned any part of either of these shows, I'd even be writing this kind of crap? phleazze….

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The fighter slunk along the darkened tunnel. His flickering torch didn't put out very much light. He could hear the other members of his party following closely behind him.

He continued some distance up, stopping as he reached a large wooden door. It was made of dark oak and its hinges and handles were made up of black iron. He handed the torch to the short elf mage and drew his sword. He nodded at the thief, who crept up to the door and began to work at the lock.

Suddenly, a hideous clanking sound could be heard and the door violently sprang open, revealing more than a dozen red glowing eyes. The fighter puffed out his chest, preparing to charge the massive swarm as…

"Roll already, goddammit!" a husky male voice cried out.

"But I hate calculating my thaco. Really, who the hell came up with this kind of math anyway?' another voice whined.

"Oh good lord." A heavily accented Scottish voice could be heard.

"Actually, it's not that hard to understand, really. You only have to…" a slightly tenor voice spoke up.

McKay shot a piercing glare at the younger green and grey clad man. "Oh, and like you would even know." McKay pointed a finger at himself. "Genius, here? More doctorates than God? What could a kid like you possibly know?"

"Actually, Bridge is a genius too." The young yellow and grey uniformed girl spoke up.

"Yah, and we're not even kids either. We're in our 20's you know." The pink trimmed-girl crossed her arms across her chest as she pouted.

"But you sure act like it." The large barbarian-looking guy with long dred locks spoke up.

"Don't make me come over there and beat you to a pulp. I've taken on bigger things than you." Sky shot back at the dark-skinned fellow.

Ronon eased himself up out of his chair, glaring at the blue kid. "You think you can take me? I'd like to see you try."

"Enough! I thought this was supposed to be relaxing and fun. Let's not start an intergalactic war." The short brown-haired woman in a red shirt stated.

"It's not intergalactic, I told you before." McKay sighed.

"Yah, it's just alternate dimensional time-warp travel." Bridge added.

Everyone heard a loud thump! as Zelenka whanged his head on the top of the table. He peered back up at all of them from behind his DM screen. "I told you this was a bad idea." He said in this thick accent as he stared at McKay.

"Hey, it was his idea too." McKay replied, pointing a finger at Bridge, eagerly wanting to share the blame.

"But you said you've done this before. I only read about it in the historical database." Bridge replied. "Though, it did sound pretty good from what I read. I kept trying to get everyone else to play it, but they never seemed interested. But really, who wouldn't be interested in fighters, and mages, and dragons and…"

"Doesn't he ever shut up?" Ronon groaned.

"No, not really." Jack muttered.

"Kind of reminds me of _other_ people around here." Sheppard glanced pointedly in McKay's direction.

"Hey, I take offense to that! I don't talk all the time. It's only when there's a complex problem that has to be solved in milliseconds and I'm the only person who can save the city or the planet or the even the entire universe itself that…"

Sheppard cocked an eyebrow at the red ranger. "See what I mean?"

McKay glared at Sheppard as the Rangers all snickered, except for Bridge, who was either totally confused or lost in serious contemplation and therefore likely to stand on his head at any second.

"Can we just get on with it?" Z asked.

"I still do not understand the point of this exercise. This is going to help us solve problems how exactly?" the dark ethnic woman asked.

Several groans were heard across the table.

"Teyla, there is no point to this. It's just random hacking and bashing." Sheppard told her.

"Of course you would think that, wouldn't you?" McKay snarked. "You're supposed to be thinking your way out of potentially deadly situations…"

"Rodney, we do that on a daily basis in real life. Why the hell do we need to play a game that does that? Besides, everybody knows that this is all this is good for. Explore the dungeon, rescue the princess, kill the dragon, take his loot. End of story." Sheppard replied.

"Everyone stop. This is starting to get out of hand. You haven't even gotten anywhere in the dungeon yet." Zelenka told the group.

"That's only because the mechanics of this game make no sense, Radek. It's a wonder people even play this thing at all. It must take them hours to get through it." Weir spoke up.

"That's why it's called a 'campaign'. You can't possibly do it in one session." McKay responded.

"You mean people actually waste their lives away doing this on a regular basis?" Beckett wondered aloud.

"It's not a waste of time, Carson. It's quality interaction with other people…" McKay began.

"I still say we should have used that other universe with the flying magic ships." Bridge interrupted. "What was it called again? Spell cruising or some such?" He scratched his head in thought and peered around the room looking for a decent corner in case he needed it.

"Not that hideous piece of crap, no way. That's the absolute worse thing they ever put out. Sailboats that fly through space in little magical bubbles of air. Give me a break." McKay replied.

"But the physics behind it all…" Bridge began.

"Would be completely beyond the capacity of any of these guys to understand." McKay stated.

"What physics?" Zelenka spoke up. "That thing would have Einstein rolling in his grave."

McKay leaned over to the Green Ranger. "See?"

A string of muttered chek swearing could be heard.

Jack placed his head in his heads and groaned. "We have to do this for how much longer?"

"Until the algorithms are complete and then we can upload the code into the DHD matrix to get the appropriate wormhole configuration." McKay replied as Bridge nodded.

"Are you certain that it will work Rodney?" Weir asked.

"Genius. What more can I say?" McKay said.

"And the fact that you had a kid helping you doesn't reflect on that genius talent at all, does it?" Sheppard spoke up.

"Hey, it is my universe we're trying to get back to. And we're from the future. Better technology than you guys are used to." Bridge responded.

McKay held up a finger to forestall him. "That's only compared to current Earth tech. Now with Ancient technology at our disposal…"

"Not another debate." Sky rolled his eyes.

Just then a beeper sounded from McKay's laptop. He picked it up and peered at intently, beginning to tap the screen rapidly as Bridge looked over his shoulder.

"Ah-ha! Success! Never fails." McKay stated. "It's ready."

"It's about bloody time, I don't know how much more of this I could stand." Beckett said.

"I agree, Carson." Weir said as she stood up. "If you all will come with me?"

Elizabeth led them all down a corridor and into the gate control room.

McKay instantly scampered over to the dialing console and began to input commands. "One second." He told no-one in particular.

Weir walked up to the five rangers. "Well, it's been interesting to say the least. I hope you all found the visit to be enlightening."

Sky, Syd, Z and Jack just stared at her like she'd lost her mind while Bridge shook his head enthusiastically.

"Alright!" McKay slapped his hands together. "Here we go!"

The stargate did the usual whoosh thing and subsided into a ripply water-like sheen.

"No more messing with wormhole probabilities, understood?" Weir shook an admonishing finger at Bridge, who just looked sheepish and shrugged slightly.

She turned towards McKay. "That goes double for you."

"What?" McKay asked, plussed. "I was only…"

"Let's not go there, McKay." Sheppard said in a grating tone of voice.

McKay just hmpfed and crossed his arms, daring anyone else to criticize him.

"Yah, next time, you could end up on a living space ship with a whole bunch of escaped fugitive aliens." Mitchell piped up.

Sheppard stared dumfounded at him. "Where the hell did you come from?"

"Oh, I've been here all along. I can navigate wormholes and take on religious fanatics who want to dominate the galaxy. Or destroy it in the process." Mitchell replied.

"Why did we even need this guy?" Ronon wondered aloud.

"Because O'Neil got promoted and they needed someone to fill the hole." Sheppard responded.

He turned to the rangers. "See you later. Wait. Nix that. I hope I _don't_ see you later. Like ever again." Then he turned back to Mitchell. "And you. Out of my galaxy. Get back to the SGC through whichever wormhole you came through."

Sheppard and the rest of the Atlantis crew watched as the Rangers traversed the stargate. Mitchell quietly vanished in the same fashion as he had appeared. They all heaved a sigh of relief.

Boy, I can't wait until things get back to normal around here, Sheppard thought to himself just as a sensor alarm started going off.

Zelenka stared at the screen. "It's the Wraith. They're coming…"

I didn't want it to be that quickly though, Sheppard thought.

**_FIN_** (aren't you glad? feel free to retch now.)


End file.
